Sometimes they fall short in describing this experience we’re having. Sometimes we need a series of words. Sometimes one is plenty. And sometimes in truly sacred moments, there are no words. I rather appreciate when life leaves me speechless, since my mind is always blabbering on about everything. It’s always ripping things apart, then trying to mend them back together; how it should be, how it could be, how it would’ve been. It’s exhausting in my mind to say the least. But I accept my thinking nature as more of a gift than a curse, I’ve just had to learn how and when to quiet it. Meditation is one way. But writing is my favored means of calming myself — of knowing myself.
When I write words, it’s how I better see.
It’s how I observe myself without strictly using my eyes. How I better process the thoughts in my head. How I organize myself. Writing for me is like looking under a microscope at what it is I’m trying to understand. It’s how I tap into another channel of my being others don’t often see. It’s my sixth sense. It’s my love language. How we communicate with ourselves and with the Universe is a kind of love language. I imagine there as many of these as there are humans. I think it’s important as humans we learn our languages and craft them with a dedicated curiosity.
I’ve wondered back and forth trying to decide if I am a writer or not, but there is nothing to decide. It’s what I am. And I don’t claim to be the best writer there is, or the most profound. I don’t claim to have the best grammar, sentence structure, or even how to properly use the comma. All I know is that sometimes when I’m walking I have to stop in my tracks, wherever that may be — with friends or alone — and I must write what comes to me.
I write because I can’t not write.
I write. That makes me a writer.
We all use different languages in our attempt to know — know ourselves and our place in the world, and attempt to know others as well. Some use math, some use science, some use physical activity, some use paint and paint brushes; and of course there are many more endless ways and combos, both generic and unique, we use to speak with the Universe — with ourselves. The Universe is always trying to communicate with us, too. Through mental, physical, emotional, spiritual, and intuitional experiences. And none of these ways are wrong, though some may work better than others for different folx.
The Universe is full of worlds upon world upon worlds — including your own. From jungles, to seas, to deserts, to NYC. But the world of language is the most illusive one yet. Through language we can literally shift reality. We can make things appear that weren’t there before. Language and story-telling are what sets humans apart from every other species. It’s what has allowed us to believe in the unbelievable and to cooperate for millennia. Thanks to our ability to write, tell, and speak we’ve been able to tap into as much logic as we have magic.
The world of language shapes our reality, both individually and as a whole. Words are powerful. Words are magic spells. If you choose anything in this one precious life, let it be your beliefs and the words that uphold them. And please choose them wisely.
We are each our own Universe. Dare to invent your own world. Define things as you wish, and then share them with everyone you know so you can all better understand one another! Find your love language(s) with yourself and with the Universe, and use them like your life depends on it. Not because it does, but because why not have some fun while you’re here? Why not create? Why settle for what we’re told to be, instead of being what we are?
Why not speak a sweet, sweet language with your one very precious meaningless* life?
These are terms as I better understand them:
Dating is better understood as managing expectations. When two (or more) people come together they are coming from entirely separate worlds, childhoods, beliefs, and families. No one is going to be exactly as you want them, and if you find someone who is, you’re lucky. Don’t try to change people to fit into the box you want them to fit in. Open the box, throw away the box, and unbox yourself before you do any of that. Unboxed is where love finds itself most easily.
Living in NY is better understood as fighting back tears in public. I will remember my time in NY as a wise old teacher. A mean teacher who brought me to tears often. A guru. But not of the human kind, the geographical kind. Nothing will reveal what is more important to you than walking away from what is important to you, which was my life before moving here.
Riding the subway is better understood as time to think about your entire life between here and there, amongst strangers; magnifying humanity. I’ve experienced some very serious introspection wedged between humans on the subway. I can’t thank the subway enough for carrying me to and fro while I read or listen or to music, and observe. You will notice life of all kinds up close and personal on the subway. It has a very loud and/or very subtle way of demanding your attention, no matter how you try to zone out.
Creativity is better understood as filling the void. Life is inherently empty and meaningless, at least in my opinion. But this is brilliant news — this means we can fill it however we like. And fill it we must! I take things a great deal less personally when I realize the Universe itself is neither rooting for or against me. In fact, it just is me. And it wants to see how jazzy I can get. Learn the language through which you will give your own personal Universe a voice, and then speak it/write it/be it into existence.
The void is better understood as all that is, ever was, and will be; everything and nothing. An open, vast space of hope and what is yet to be known.
Love is better understood as the Universal drug; or perhaps the Universal answer. Love is not a drug, but it does act like one in your system. Love is just another thing in the Universe. A force. It can carry you far and wide if you allow it. Love is really something you must define on your own terms, and you must explain it to the people in your life whom you love, because they too have their own ideas of what love is. I think many of our problems stem from our inability to understand how one another loves, being that many of us learned about love through a lens of trauma.
Hate is better understood as misguidance, misinformation, misunderstanding, misinterpreting. Hate is confusion. Not seeing clearly. Nothing more, nothing less. Not the opposite of love, rather not fully being able to accept love.
Fear is better understood as backing up; backing down; backing away; reckoning what we do not know yet. The unknown cannot be known until it is known. And that is that. Fear isn’t meant to harm us, it’s protecting us. When fear shows up and demands you back down, ask it why. Sit with it. Hold it. Get curious about your fear and your fear will begin to dissipate, since the opposite of fear just may be curiosity itself.
Sex is better understood as when two (or more) become one. An ongoing exploration that shifts in complexity, want, and desire at any given time. Always, always, always requires consent, or it’s not sex — it’s rape.
Nature is better understood as medicine for the deepest part of your being. We are quite literally from the Earth. The Earth grew us. We are Earthlings. Don’t forget to jump in lakes, and hike up mountains, and smell flowers as a way to connect to the most primal part of your being. Nature is real. If anything is real, it is the raw wild and holy world of nature.
You are nature.
Drinking and drug use is better understood as ways to escape or ways to expand — sometimes permanently — at your own risk; a way to numb the pain while often increasing it simultaneously. I’m grateful I survived the dark years I sacrificed to escape myself. But those years also taught me a great deal about myself — about pain and suffering and how its inevitable — that I may not have otherwise learned. Then again, who knows what I could’ve been creating with healthy coping mechanisms in place rather than drowning in addiction. I guess we’ll never know!
Pets are better understood as furry teachers; in love, gratitude, and what it means to experience those unconditionally. I don’t know why I don’t own an animal. Maybe my fear of committing to another living life. My fear of commitment shows up in many ways for me. But I do have two beautiful happy plants.
Teachers are better understood as every single person you’ve encountered. Every. Single. Person. Is. Teaching. You. Something. About. The. World. And. Who. You. Can. Be. In. It.
Parents are better understood as humans rather than just a place to hang your blame. One day, as you grow, you may learn if you blame your parents for your woes you might blame them for your triumphs, too. Maybe. Our relationship with our parents is deeply personal. If there is work that needs to be addressed there, I promise there is immense freedom on the other side of it.
Sunrise is better understood as the perfect time to begin anew as anything you wish, including yourself. Sunrises are magical moments to behold. You get to watch life rise before you.
Sunsets are better understood as sunrises for people who aren’t morning people. You get to watch life set before you.
Dusk is better understood as the time between birth and death. Dusk is said to be a time of ‘growing dark’. Don’t forget your darkness, that is where the work is done. That is where you meet yourself.
Sleep is better understood as the land of endless dimensions. You can go anywhere when you’re asleep.
Life is better understood as a strange experience where you evolved to find meaning, but it’s hard to tell which is of significance. It is essentially lots of misguidance that (hopefully) leads you back to yourself, then you die. Also; a very sick, delightful joke.
Death is better understood as never having to work again. Death is the beginning of what’s next after you die.
Instagram is better understood as — “Am I sure I have the right life?” It’s easy to compare. It’s something humans are profoundly good at it. But keep in mind while gazing social media of any kind how everyone is orchestrating how they want to be perceived. You have no idea what’s going on behind their stories and the smiles in their photos, and really, it’s none of your business. Stay in your lane. Become a beacon for what you believe in and align with, and your people will find you.
Facebook is better understood as unwarranted opinion book; also, owns Instagram.
Anxiety is better understood as negative excitement. Next time you get anxious it might be fair to ask yourself if you’re just excited. It’s all the same in your nervous system! Humans are the only ones with bias, everything else is just doing its job.
Marriage is better understood as making a breakup messier than it needs to be; a legally binding contract. As well as many other things that have little or nothing to do with love. But that isn’t to say that it can’t be about love, too.
Relationships are better understood as everyone you know personally, and who you owe your honesty. Maybe this just means everyone. Live your truth!
Money is better understood as the greatest myth we ever all agreed upon. No matter what skin color you have or where you’re from, we all believe in money. But should we believe in it as much as we do?
God is better understood as please, please, please let there be something, anything, a reason… please.
School is better understood as early lessons in conformity. Not to say that isn’t still teaching us something. Perhaps something we can later unlearn. Maybe all of us, at least most of us, would be a great deal more brilliant had we been guided in our own strengths rather than the strengths society enforced upon us.
Meaningless* is better understood as empty. Not to be confused with lack of worth or value. Emptiness is just a space you get to fill. And so how will you fill your life, great one?